Serving Bread

I have always been interested in politics. I’m not sure if it’s the righteous anger within me or my Middle Eastern blood (try finding a Middle Eastern who doesn’t care or have a “strong” opinion on politics). So I’ve been thinking that I should run for some office. But for what? I can’t run for the presidency of the US because I wasn’t born here, but maybe with the new “democracy” in Iraq, that might be an option for me. Nah… that doesn’t sound like a fun, fulfilling or a job that is even possible to do.

Another option would be to run for congress. Legislation is not really my thing, and considering I have no idea who my congress-person is, the job doesn’t sound appealing. To be governor of the great state of California doesn’t excite me either. For one, Sacramento gets hot and there is nowhere to go (at least in Northridge, I can drive 30 minutes and get to a cooler part of LA). Also, someone in the family already did that job (Yes I’m related to George Deukmejian who was governor in the 80s and 90s).

If I were to run for office, I think I’d start very local. I’d start with a job that could make a difference. And it would start with a job where I feel the effects of the status quo, and I’m righteously angry for some change. So I’m gonna run (one day, inshallah) for School Board.

For us spouses of LAUSD teachers, we should form some sort of union. As a LAUSD teacher’s husband, this mammoth organization (which by the way has a budget larger than that of the state of Colorado) controls way more of my life than you would think. So I’m tired of the way things are, and I’m ready for change.

As a school board member, I will have a pretty simple platform:

1. All non-school related employees will now work from 3pm until 11pm every day (rather than 8 to 4). Think about it, the people who are supposed to serve the teachers have the same hours as the teachers–which means when a teacher finally has time to make a phonecall to ask about something, the office is closed.
2. The administrative offices of LAUSD will now be called the Service Center and non-teaching employees will be called Servants of Teachers. And all new “servants” will go through the training that the ‘In N Out’ employees go through. Those employees are always happy and always smiling.
3. Phonecalls from the service center will be returned within 24 hours or else someone will get fired. If a phonecall is not returned within 24 hours, we’ll give two warnings. The first warning is just a warning, and since I’m a Christian, I probably should offer a second warning (you know the whole, “Jesus gives us a second chance” thing). At the third violation, someone will be fired. And we’ll do a sort of Roman Empire type of spectacle meets Donald Trump the Apprentice. Emperor Villaragosa (the mayor-turned-Czar of public schools) will bring in the employee and have him chased in circles by a group of teachers. The teacher who catches the accused gets to then bring the employee in a board room, and in front of live cameras, that teacher gets to utter the words, “You’re fired!”
4. We will reorganize some of the departments of the service center, and every teacher will be given a cell phone with the following speed dial numbers to the new offices:
1. “If you didn’t get paid correctly department” dial 1
2. “If you need help with your benefits department” dial 2
3. “If you need someone to help you with your maternity leave department” dial 3. (By the way, if the majority of teachers are women, and the majority of women get married, and the majority of married women have babies, and the majority of married women who have babies opt to take maternity leave, and if those mothers have absolutely no idea which 13 forms to fill out in which order, shouldn’t there be someone whose full time job is to help those teachers? Actually, shouldn’t there be like 50 people doing that job? Note: There is only ONE employee in all of LAUSD who handles that)

Well, that’s my rant this far. I’m sure some of my spouse of LAUSD teachers would support my candidacy.

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