Serving Bread

I just finished reading Faithful Witness: The life and mission of William Carey. Like many other Christian biographies I have read, it inspired me (I will reflect on lessons in a future post). What disturbed me though is the breakdown of his first marriage (he was married three times) and his relationships with his other two wives.

Carey is sometimes referred to as the founder of modern missions. His faithfulness to India and its people for 41 years inspires me to be faithful to the things that God calls me, despite any hardships. He proclaimed the gospel with no shame and labored to translate the word of God so that people would know God in their mother tongue. I am grateful to God for Carey and his vision.

However, I was disappointed to read about his difficult marriage with his first wife, Dolly. Though the biography is a little sketchy on what exactly happened (most biographies paint Dolly in a negative light), it seems that Carey paid more attention to his vision and ministry than to his marriage.

I don’t doubt that Dolly had her fair share of character and sin issues, but it seems that Carey failed (but perhaps never really realized) in loving his wife. She had more hesitations to give her life to India, yet Carey was not sensitive to her concerns. (Carey first left for India when she was 8 months pregnant). When her son died in India, Dolly never recovered and she had a mental breakdown to the point that many of his friends suggested to him that he check her into an asylum (Carey refused).

Within six weeks of her death, Carey was engaged to Charlotte von Rumohr. It seems that Carey loved Charlotte the most of the three wives. She died before him, and though he remarried, he asked that he be buried beside her when he died. It makes me wonder how his third wife, Grace Hughes, would have felt.

As I am compiling a list of lessons from William Carey, it is hard to know how to glean marital lessons. Another hero of the faith, John Wesley, also had marital problems that can be traced to Wesley’s emphasis on his ministry rather than his marriage.

There are many Christian leaders today who forsake their marriage for the sake of the ministry. Like many other things, even ministry can be addicting and can be the “whore” that comes between a husband and a wife. I have been in full-time ministry for nine years and married for nearly six years. Over the past six years, I have had to learn and re-learn how to focus on my marriage and my family. The tension of family and ministry are real and it seems that every season brings new challenges that require me to reconsider my priorities.

When I read Carey and Wesley, I am inspired to model my life after them, but I am also cautious to find a better model that would honor my devotion to my wife and my family. But is it really possible? If I were to pursue faith like Carey and Wesley, will my marriage suffer? And is it fair to consider these men as heroes of the faith when they neglected such important responsibilities as husbands?

These are some of the questions that are lingering in my head. We all want to believe that our heroes are perfect and without blemish. But I am learning the difficult truth that some of my heroes may be far more broken than I would like them to be.

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