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My supervisor often reminds me that I have much more to offer others (in terms of spiritual leadership) than I think I do. I can gather some of the reasons why I hesitate in thinking that God’s work in my life and through my life is that easily transferable or good for others. Some of it has to do that I have mixed opinions of the art of self-promoting what I want to offer others. Some of it has to do that I’m not sure how to translate what I’m learning to be of value to others. And I think some of it is that I feel like many areas of my leadership are still in the ‘beginnings’ stages, making me feel a bit unprepared to lead.
Recently, a young couple asked Rhoda and I to serve as their pre-marital counselors. While we were honored to be given such a privileged voice in their lives, we were also anxious to be invited into this role. Can we offer them anything? This couple is making the most important decision of their lives and we have the invitation to shape it for the better. I may know how to disciple someone in prayer or in studying the Bible, but marriage is a whole new ball game for me.
In thinking through the decision to serve in this capacity, I came to two conclusions:
- I can offer what has been offered to me. God has taught us a lot about marriage. We have had to learn how to reconcile conflict and serve one another. We have had to work through expectations and assumptions. We are not perfect, but God has done a good work in us.
- Leadership will always stretch us into new territory. God leads the Israelites to the edges of the Red Sea and asks whether they would trust him to take them across it when the Egyptian army is in hot pursuit. The Israelites had to struggle whether God would be faithful to save them from the army. In my experience of leadership, it seems that stretching into new contexts is normal. When I am stretched in a particular context, I learn more about myself and more about God.
I love that I get to serve in shaping this couple’s marital foundations. This ministry opportunity has led to me to reflect and be grateful for the ways that God has been good to me, and has stretched me to seek God’s wisdom and insights in a new territory.
Our offerings rest on knowing God’s goodness to us and being diligent to seek God in the new things that he is doing. Take those away, and we are right to conclude that we have little to offer people.
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I think you guys would have a lot to offer in terms of pre-marital counseling. (I would also recommend the couple do some counseling with a person who knows how to administer the Prepare-Enrich test. It’s pretty accurate, though I know a few examples of it being off. I plan to get trained in it one of these days.)
“And I think some of it is that I feel like many areas of my leadership are still in the ‘beginnings’ stages, making me feel a bit unprepared to lead.”
I would love to hear more from someone in these stages. So much of the leadership stuff I’ve read comes from people who have already braved the wilderness and have the blessings of hindsight. I need to learn from these voices, but it’s also helpful to hear from people in similar places as me. Incarnational leadership seems to be a bit more participative (is that a word?) than the “expert model” that the world seems to like.