Serving Bread

I have a confession to make: I need a bailout.

The financial industry has asked and received and the auto industry is doing everything it can to get one. I figure I could ask for one as well and mine will be fairly modest compared to the $25 Billion that the auto industry seeks.

There is no doubt that we are facing a global financial meltdown and crisis. And I imagine that most of us will be affected by the recession/depression one way or another. Non-profits (such as my own) will struggle to retain and attract new donors. People will have difficulty getting credit and whatever money we put in our savings (or in long term investments) are lost to low interest rates and a shrinking stock market.

Though I’m mostly an optimist, I tend to entertain dark financial scenarios too often. I find myself worried about my imminent, readjustable home mortgage. I worry about how the ministry will be funded when partners (understandably) have to rethink their giving. I worry about my shrinking retirement account and the lack of value in my home (will it still cover my kids’ college education?).

So I need a bailout. I’m not sure I care too much where it came from—All I know is that I need one. And in my prayers, I find myself asking God for a bailout.

I would love for a real financial bailout that would cover all of my expenses, debts, and unforeseen needs. At my worse, I stay up at night wondering how I would make ends meet. But what stands out to me about this anxiety is that it’s always been there. When our income was more limited, I wanted just a little more money to make ends meet. I thought that with a raise, I would no longer worry about money. But the reality is that there is a mysterious law of human nature that says: the more you have, the more you spend. When asked how much money is enough, Andrew Carnegie (arguably one of the wealthiest men in history) replied, “just a little bit more.”

So I find myself believing in the myth that there is a number out there that is the perfect number to help me live the unworried life. But upon some reflection, I realize that it’s just a myth. What I need is a realignment of my heart and my relationship to stuff and to money. I guess that what I often need is a financial bailout that is spiritual in nature.

An ideal bailout would help me to:

• Live within my means. Without a regular check-up, I find myself straying from my budget. My actual budget will no longer reflect my proposed budget. And that’s a problem. It’s a problem on two fronts: First, I will find myself going into deeper debt; Second, I am living with less integrity and probably have allowed greed to take a hold of my heart.
• Have peace and faith in God’s provisions and security. My focus on finances lead me to worry and despair instead of trusting God to provide. In my despair, I give up on having any integrity on how I spend my money, which only leads to more despair when I see the balance on my accounts. Jesus had strong words and promises about the power he holds in providing for our needs. I should take those promises seriously.
• Give cheerfully. Giving inevitably becomes the most legalistic thing I do as a believer. The ministries I love become additional bills. I attach criticism to the the tithe I drop in the basket at church, wondering whether my money is being spent according to my vision. Neither the Kingdom nor the ministries nor my church would appreciate such attitude attached to the giving. Scripture exhorts us to give cheerfully, believing that our gifts make a difference on us and on the ministry.

But this kind of a bailout is not easy to receive. I think that the bailout I seek is more difficult to get than the one sought by the auto industry. Financial matters are not things I discuss regularly in fellowship, especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. I’m too ashamed to admit that I need help and too proud to believe that the answer is beyond myself.

Apart from the poorest of the poor, most of our financial struggles have less to do with the amount of money and more to do with our relationship to money. I know that’s true for me. A financial bailout should lead me to God for a realignment of my heart and to community for accountability. (I do hope my community grows stronger in this area as I continue to figure out ways to make my financial life accountable to others) To reiterate my point, it’s the spiritual dimension of finances that needs help, not the bank account.

Do you need a bailout?

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Earlier this month, we spent some time revisiting and reviewing our family’s budget. My wife and I review our budget at least once a year. The review allows us to have a clear picture of how we are spending our money and whether our budget reflects our values, priorities, and reality.

Upon review of our budget this year, there are a few things that stood out to me:

• We have not updated or revised our budget since the birth of our son. I was surprised to see our monthly expenses higher than what was budgeted and some of that was due to the fact that we have had more expenses with an expanded family.
• We were consistently spending more on dining out than was budgeted. Now some of that is that Rhoda and I have not adjusted our eating-out budget item since we got married seven years ago. (We budget $50 a month toward this luxury) We have had to both readjust our budget but also recognize that we need to be stricter in how often we dine out. Also, with a toddler joining us, our bill has inched upward. We have readjusted our dining out budget to $75 / month and decided that we would be more disciplined to stick to that number.
• We have no feedback loop during the month to judge whether we are on budget or not. Though I enter our receipts in our money management program on a regular basis, I don’t run the numbers against our budget on a regular enough basis. So we’ve decided to check our actuals against our budget every two weeks to better at our stewardship.

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Following a six month hiatus, Finance Fridays are back.

I probably should turn off the TV and stop reading the news (whether it be in Newspapers or on the internet). Our global economy is in a crisis. Credit seems to be nearly extinct. Banks around the world are failing and stock markets from Hong Kong to New York to London are seeing record drops in value.

I (like many of you) have not been shielded from the woes of our economy. I have seen the value of my retirement drop nearly 23% in 10 days alone (and nearly 33% from it’s all-time weighted average). I look at the economy and wonder how to be a steward through these times, especially when wisdom seems to be hard to come by and anxiety is readily available.

I also realize that there are many families who are struggling to make ends meet. The injustices associated with the failure of banking institutions and fraud have affected them far more than us. I think of the families who are evicted from their homes because the landlord is not able to make the mortgage payment. I think of unemployed parents who are unable to find a job to pay basic bills.

Several passages of scripture have stood out to me in recent days that have pointed me back to God. The first one comes from Psalm 4:

When you are disturbed, do not sin;
ponder it on your beds, and be silent.
Offer right sacrifices,
and put your trust in the Lord.
There are many who say, “O that we might see some good!
Let the light of your face shine on us, O Lord!”
You have put gladness in my heart
more than when their grain and wine abound.
I will both lie down and sleep in peace;
for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.

A few things stand out to me from this section of this psalm:

• Disturbance leaves the door open to sin. Just this past week, a man who lives locally, murdered his three children, wife and mother-in-law, before taking his own life because of the economy. The man, who works in the financial services industry, had been unable to find employment. Though most of us would not go to such extreme and tragic ends, anxieties can lead us to make decisions that would ultimately bring more harm than good.
• This season should remind us to trust in God. We need to be trusting God in every season. Yet, seasons of duress have a way of reminding us that though everything in life is unstable and unpredictable, God is not. If my trust remains in the American economy or my retirement account or the value of my house, I will be sorely disappointed.
• Joy that comes from God is superior to any other kind of joy. The psalmist writes that the gladness that God put in his heart is more than when grain and wine abound. Many people enjoyed the abundance of the past 7 years. But the joy that God offers is much better than when we enjoy any economic abundance. I want to learn and enjoy the gladness that comes from God.
• Only God provides peace and safety. It is tempting to put our security in the material. It is tempting to judge our security based on our bottom line. But only God offers security and peace. A month ago, one of the money market funds (which are supposed to be the safest type of investment) reported that they were cutting their investor’s value. This illustrates to me that even the safest things on this side of heaven are far from how God extends safety and security to his people.

The government continues to think of ways to fix our economy. I’m not an economist to judge what are necessary and fiscally sound solutions to our problems. What I do know is that perhaps what we need are not just more smart economists to fix our problems, but faithful men and women who will pray alongside the hurting, helping people to know what it means to have gladness in our heart that is more than when grain and wine abound.

My prayer comes out of Paul’s letter to the Philippians,

Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus… I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being b well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

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